Welcome to Awesometown: 08/13/2006

Snakes on a Plane

Let me start off by saying there isn't a chance in hell that I will see this movie. I already get my tweek on flying, and I am already absolutely terrified of snakes. Additionally, I am absolutely positive that in multiple theatres nationwide there will be a series of smart azzes that visit their local pet store and decide to have a little fun with the movie gallery. That being said, whoever is in charge of marketing for this movie is absolutely brilliant. Based on the hype I have heard just walking around today, this may be the blockbuster of the summmer. The title and plot of the movie are so absurdly stupid that even the main characters make fun of it. At the same time, you can create automated phone calls from Samuel L J himself telling you to go see the movie. As I said, I am completely OUT on being attacked by animals (sharks, snakes, crocodiles, whatever), but if you are into scary movies and that type of shit it seems like a must see.

Condom fashion show??

WTF!??

Laguna Beach Season 3

I watched the first episode of Laguna Beach Season 3 last night on TiVo....and yes, 27 year old straight males TiVo Laguna Beach. I was pretty disappointed and think this season is going to tank---not only is Kristin gone, but now they have an umpa-lumpa cast as one of the main characters.

I know these are fake but....

DAMN!!! X-Tina's rocking an awesome set of twins these days.

Thanks to US Magazine for the photo.

It's all about the music

Out busy promoting her new album, Paris Hilton wants people to judge her music for what it is and not let her image influence their opinions.

This is a pretty wise request because I don't think that I am alone when saying that when I get an image of Paris Hilton I see a strung out-- anorexic-- cock eyed tramp on all fours hunkered over a mirror with a rolled up dollar bill up her right nostril and 5 squirts of semen on her back.

She totally wrote this about me so everyone sing it now!

Even though the gods are crazy
Even though the stars are blind
if you show me real love baby
I'll show you mine!

I can make it nice and naughty
Im a devil and an angel too
get a heart, a soul and body
Lets see what this love can do baby
I'm perfect for you!!!

ghost ride the whip

aka, dance next to your car with no one driving.

Nick Lachey has a little dick?

Poor guy. He loses Jessica Simpson and now she's running around telling the media that he didn't pack much punch. I guess we all know what he really meant when singing What's left of me.

Artest Gives Advice

ESPN reports a great story about some sound advice Ron Artest gave some kids during a community service event:

Someone started trouble and I ended it," Artest told about 50 children Wednesday at a panel on black empowerment at the Judge Mathis Community Center. "I would always encourage you to protect yourself but in certain situations, if you can avoid them, avoid them."

Speechless.

Prince Harry says it's all out of context

In response to the publishing of pictures that show him groping a female companion while he and his brother are totally wasted, Prince harry issued a statement........Not because he cares that his behavior could be viewed as inappropriate for a Prince (We here at A-town are NOT in that camp--we think his behavior was, well...awesome) but because he has a serious girlfirend. Harry claims the pictures are old and he didn't even know his girlfriend at the time.

No one knows for sure whether he is telling the truth or not but one thing is certain and trust me when I write this---his girlfriend is going to be PISSED no matter what.

WTF Kate?

The real question on everyone's mind regarding Kate Hudson is not whether or not she is dating Owen Wilson or if they had an affair whilst she was married, but when in the hell is she going to bite the bullet and buy some phucking b-cups. B's are not too much to ask. With that face and that azz, she would be the finest dime in Hollywood.

Later Chris Robinson

Various rumors have surfaced that Owen Wilson may be the cause of the Kate Hudson-Chris Robinson split. Good for you Owen. Wait, was that a gunshot I just heard coming from Chris Robinson's house? I hate it for you Chris, seriously....

Fear the Turtle

WTAtown brings you segment II of athletes who have completely lost their phucking minds.
The Washington Post reports that Lonnie Baxter, a former member of the University of Maryland's National Championship team, was arrested for firing off weapons a couple blocks from the WHITE HOUSE????? Brilliant Lonnie, no security around that place. Fear the Turtle

Integrity???

To decide the winner of the Miss Teen USA Padgent last night, the final 5 girls were asked a question by one of the "celebrity" judges, who included track ledgend Carl Lewis and why the fuck is he famous Brody Jenner (I only know who he is b/c he is dating Kristin Cavalleri---you can do better Kristin--call me!).

Carl Lewis asked Katie Blair, aka Miss Montana, what integrity meant to her. She responded that integrity meant to never give up and to never let anything get in the way of you acomplishing your dreams (or something like that). Unfortunately for Katie, that is not anywhere close to what integrity means:

Noun
integrity
Steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code.
The state of being wholesome; unimpaired
The quality or condition of being complete; pure

Unfortunately for Carl Lewis, Brody Jenner, the other judges and audience, and the douche bag from TRL (he was a host) Katie won.........Therefore, no one associated with last nights event can define the remidial vocabulary word integrity.....in other words they are all completely fucking retarded.

If the answers to the questions don't matter then I say throw that segment out and have more swimsuit competition time. You can view some of last nights hot teenage ass here, here, here, here, here, and here!

WTF is wrong with some people??

Offering more proof that people will do anything to make a buck, Oasys Mobile has hired an actor to sound like Mel Gibson so you can use his Anti-Semetic Rant as your ring tone.

Who in the fuck is going to purchase this--the Hitler Youth?? This is just a bad idea all the way around----1) Mel's rant probably isn't funny and 2) some people just might get offended if your phone goes off and it's "jew this" and "Jew that".

If Oasis Mobile were smart, which they obviously aren't, they would use my boy Pat Obrien's voicemail from last year as their ring tone. I'm gonna go ahead and file a patent for this right now---you use it Oasis, then you need to pay the Pounder.

the Royal Blackouts

I gotta respect this---Prince William and Prince Harry blackout in a club and Harry goes in for a kiss and a handful and what appears to be a perfectly fake titty. Also, 4-1 odds that William either is about to puke or did something that is making it temporarily impossible for him to feel his face. Big ups guys!

It Was Good While It Lasted...

but Chris you should really be happy that it lasted 7 years because dude, she is ENTIRELY too hot for you. Black Crowes is a great band, but how far can rock star status really take you when she is a 10 and you are a 4??? On another note, Kate Hudson's career is conveniently set to blow up...

http://people.aol.com/people/article/0,26334,1226370,00.html

Paris and Jenna

...So I guess this is Paris' way of proving to the world that she isn't the whore she was portrayed as in her sex tape. And how does she do this? She rolls hand in hand with the queen of the porn industry. Maybe her amateur video was actually an audition of sorts. Jenna was straight girl on girl while she was married so chances those two have "dined" together are pretty high.

Do you really want to hurt me?

Boy George had to pick up trash in NYC this weekend as part of court ordered community service. If you recall, George was arrested b/c he hired a male hooker to do some blow and get a little wild. When the male whore tried to steal his coke, George took the logical action and called the cops. The cops, being the pigs that they are, arrested George for possession blow. Bastards!

George offered the NYC courts to put on a make-up and fashion show as part of his community service but they decided that picking up trash would be more appropriate........

Friday, August 18, 2006