Friday, June 16, 2006

2 Bodies, 3 Heads

Couldn't be more OUT on being the officer who fielded this call....
2 Bodies, 3 Heads
Weirdest story ever.

Britney Hits the Beach

Britney kicked off pool season yesterday with Sean P and K-Fed. I guess we can now close the book on why the water levels in the ocean are rising.

Larry Williams: A-Town Man of the Year

This may be the craziest man in the whole world. Here is Mr. Williams giving some hippies directions to the Motel 6. BAM!

note: at about 3:30 into the video Larry goes apeshit and I promise its worth your wait...

Tiger Fails to Make Cut at Open

Tiger finished the day at +12, sending him home early from Winged Foot. Back to back 76's? That's not going to "cut" it. No pun intended, asshole.


Hilton v. Lohan: Dance Off

Last night at New York's Butter, Miss Hilton and Miss Lohan apparently took their feud to a new level...a dance off? What the fuck? Who does that? Oh wait, spolied hotel heiresses and underage crack whores do.

'Neither wanted to leave and it kept going. No one was going to leave before the other.' Still, the feuding duo never even acknowledged each other. 'They were really dancing, non-stop ... They didn't say a word to each other, but they were literally a foot-and-a-half away from each other the entire time.' The ladies kept their competition going until Stereo's owner finally closed the doors at 7 am.

#23 Comes Home

Apparently the need to be closer to Chapel Hill (Ca$hville), sweet tea, barbecue, and the beach was to much for His Airness to resist. Welcome back to NC big fella.
ESPN Article

Bulgarian Prisoners Stitch Lips For Cable TV

Two Bulgarian prisoners have stitched their lips together in an apparent hunger strike demanding cable TV and other perks. My guess, however, is food is not their primary concern when it comes to things being shoved in their mouths. One saving grace is that they have left a tiny slot in the corner of their mouths in order to smoke cigs. This definitely qualifies as awsome in my book.


Thursday, June 15, 2006

WWF Baseball

This kid is a badass!

Facebook Picture of the Day

This may take a while......

Pour Some Out for the Jigga Man

Jay Z has called for an outright boycott of Cristal...

"It has come to my attention that the managing director of Cristal, Frederic Rouzaud views the 'hip-hop' culture as 'unwelcome attention'.

"I view his comments as racist and will no longer support any of his products through any of my various brands including The 40/40 Club nor in my personal life."

Rouzaud responded: "I'm sure Dom Perignon or Krug would be delighted to have their business".

If Jay isn't drinking Cris, I'm not drinking Cris. Notice, however, that I didn't say I'd stop pouring bottles of it on girls chests in hot tubs. Baby steps, dude.

Who Knocks Anymore?

Got a few things lying around the house that are illegal? Well, you might want to rethink storing them in your home according to the US Supreme Court, which ruled today that police no longer need to knock before coming inside to search your house.

With a valid warrant, its not going to be the old, "Police! We have a warrant. Can we come in?" Now, all you're going to see is the wrong end of a handgun and the blood dripping down your face from being hit with the door.


Jessica Biel is Juiced

Do Jessica Biel and Barry Bonds have the same trainer? Dear lord she is on the juice. Are those tits or pecs?

Moore Splits with Scrubs Loser

Us Weekly claims that Zach Braff and Mandy Moore have gone their separate ways after going out for a year and a half. Braff was at Hyde in West Hollywood on June 8 unsuccessfully hitting on Jessica Simpson. Maybe he should wear more black like Jared Leto and the rest of LA...

Says a source:

"There was no drama. They were ready. Mandy was very young when they got together and she wanted to see what's out there, now that she's a woman. Zach was mature and realized it was time to let her do that."

Vietnam puts clamp on karaoke clubs

Tough break for the Vietnamese. Read this article and discover the wonders of an Asian Karaoke. For some reason, I don't think singing is the only form of entertainment at these fine establishments.


Germans really do love David Hasselhoff

While watching game 3 of the NBA finals, to my dismay, I found out that Dallas Mavericks superstar Dirk Nowitzki hums a 1980's David Hasselhoff song while shooting free throws. I was not aware that Hasselholf had an album and am wondering if the guy who produced the album still has a job? Probably not. It makes me cringe to think of Hasselhoff prancing around in spandex singing a hideous Joey Lawrence type ballad. So why do Germans love David Hasselhoff? Yes, he was on Baywatch, but who watched the show and concentrated more on David Hasselhoff, than Pamela Anderson, Nicole Eggert, Yasmine Bleeth, or Carmen Electran? If you are one of those people, then you, my friend, are very far from awsome. Also, if anyone likes Hasselhoff because of Knight Rider, let me reminder you it was KITT, Hasselhoff's supercar, that was responsible fo the success of that show. (if you can actually call the show successful) Dirk my disappointment runs deep.


Wednesday, June 14, 2006

I'm Not That Innocent....or Skinny

I don't know if its the 2 babies or the fact that Britney Spears is married to K-Fed, but wow did she blow up. Its almost disgusting to even look at her these days. She couldn't fit that thong from the right picture around her thigh these days. Moral of the story: a good trainer can make a white trash, trailer whore skinny for close to 2 years.

What the Hell is Going on With Jessica?

She's apparently dating Jared Leto. That guy looks like he should be serving cafe mochas out of the back of some independent book store, bothering people to recommend the latest scientific paper on hybrid energy sources.

I'm going out every night until Jessica leaves New York, because apparently all you need to make out with her is a bottle of Grey Goose and a penis.

Anal Sex Will Help Your Future

You heard it here first...a public service announcement from your friends at Welcome to Awesometown.

Gnarls Barkley: "Crazy" Slow Version Live!!

Slow news day, so check out this perfromance of Grarls Barkley on Top of the Pops in the UK from April. Real chill.

ps- these videos soometimes load slowly on this main page, so just be patient...

JJ's Fucked

I am not sure how reliable draft express is as a source considering this info is not on any major sites, but Awesometown's and possibly America's least favorite basketball star EVER might have bigger fish to fry than this little DWI he just picked up.

Hat Trick

Pamela Diaz, girlfriend of Manuel Neira, Alena Seredova, girlfriend of Gianluigi Buffon and Raica Oliveira, girlfriend of Ronaldo, pose after a soccer fashion show in Munich.


Best Goal Celebration Ever?

In the spirit of the World Cup, here is the most controvertial goal celeberation ever by Liverpool's Robbie Fowler.

After a suspect suspention for cocaine use, Fowler scored in his first game back and the snorted the goal line in celebration...

Aniston's Nipples are our "Friends" too

I know Brad's happy in Africa with Jolie, but damn if I wouldn't love to have my mouth around those nipples!

Porn Star Beatdown

No explanation needed, but the director does say at the end, "fuck, this is going to cost me a lot of money. Everyone thinks its easy to shoot a fucking porn movie with eight girls . . . they are eight kindergarden kids."

Well, lets hope not buddy, or your going to the big house for about 30 years for child porn

South Beach's King Pimp

Last night proved that the man they call Flash may be the most clutch hoopster in the entire league. Down 13, with 6 minutes left and #3 saddled with 5 fouls, Wade rallied the Heat to a critical game 3 victory. His line for night was only 42 pts, 13 boards, 3 dimes. It's no wonder he had the #1 selling jersey this year.

Hilton & Lohan Fight, then Strip

Paris Hilton is pissed off at Lindsay Lohan for dating her ex, Stavros Niarchos. Hilton ran into at Lohan at Butter in NY on Monday night, where she went up to Lohan and screamed, "I can't believe you and Stavros! You are ridiculous!" Lohan replied, "That's how you say hello? I don't need to respond to you." Lohan then left the club.

Lohan's manager said, "Correct. Paris tried to pick a fight with her and started screaming at her, but Lindsay took the high road." To make herself feel better (and because she's a whore), Hilton then did a striptease for Eli Manning and a couple of other N.Y. Giants.

South Korea makes late charge to beat Togo

South Korea scored two late goals to overcome Togo 2-1 in their first game of World cup 2006. The first goal was scored in the 53rd minute by Lee Chun-Soo as a result of a free kick just outside the 18 yard box. Togo, being reduced to ten men, let in the winning goal in the 73rd minute, scored by Korean Ahn Jung-hwan. But lets be honest here folks, the real winners of the day are the many South Korean fans, especially my soon to be girlfriend pictured above. She can definitely love me long time.

Tibetan herders join rush for prize fungus

Now, I have eaten some sketchy things during my time in Asia, but fungus in worm form is way out of my comfort zone. The fact that it supposedly helps cure cancer and AIDS does not temp me one bit. I would, however, harvest that shite and sell it on the black market. I'd be rich Biatch!


Another A+ for FEMA recently reported...of the disaster relief sent to those affected by hurricanes Rita and Katrina nearly $1 billion of it was improper and potentially fraudulent. Here are some of my favorite charges that people made on their disaster relief debit cards:

  • Diamond jewelery
  • a vacation to the Dominican Republic
  • Fireworks
  • A $200 bottle of champagne at a Hooters in San Antonio
  • $300 worth of "Girls Gone Wild" videos
  • $600 at a strip club
  • $400 on "adult erotica products"

FEMA concluded that these purchases were deemed unnecessary (seriously), but I think that there are bigger issues here than if these were necessary or not. Since when does Hooters sell champagne, let alone $200 bottles of it? And who in their right mind would buy $300 worth of Girls Gone Wild videos? Last I checked you could get 2 videos for $10 or less. So this fucker bought atleast 30 videos of girls flashing their tits, and I'm sure he was watching it on one of those plasma screens that he "saved" from the hurricane. So, if you were still wondering if that money that all of those celebrities convinced you to donate went to good use here is your answer. You be the judge.

Source: CNN

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Score Update: Brazil 1, Awesometown 0

Me > Charlotte Simmons

Last year I read the book "I am Charlotte Simmons". Everyone said it was so much like the frat hard or die scene, so I was sold. But here's the deal: it's basically this whiney hick dealing with her shitty life while other people around her are having an awesome time. The only thing she has got going for her is that she is skinny... and people totally underrate being skinny these days. More on that later. Anyway, the only characters I found likeable were the bitchy sorority girls because they reminded me of my sweet friends at school who appreciate prepping out and drinking like a sport.

Here's what this is coming down to... I am tired of reading life saga of whiney, ugly girls and their crappy hardships. My life is awesome, and much more entertaining. More interesting stories happen to me on my five minute walk to the Diesel store than in Charlotte Simmons entire 800 page novel.

By guest blogger: Sue Rorrity

NY Mets are Officially Awesometown's Team

Reasons Why Mets are Awesometown's Team:

1. David Wright- the best young player in the majors and he's damn sexy

2. They are not the F'ing Braves- all you so-called Braves fans can take the 13 consecutive division titles and shove it up your ass. How many World Series have you won in the past 20 years? Oh yeah the same number as the Mets: 1

3. They are not the F'ing Yankees- 'nuff said

4. Julio Franco- the dude is twice the age of Lastings Milledge and is still getting the job done

5. Hispanic Hysteria- with over half the team hailing from Central America or the Caribbean the team plane rides must have an abundance of meringue music, Coronas, dice, and Bolivian marching powder

6. Youth Movement- the last time the Mets had so much talented youth the results were pretty outstanding on and off the field.

Article: NY Post

Tags: ,

Axel Rose vs. Tommy Hilfiger

Axel Rose recently completed a four night run of shows in New York with the newly assembled Guns n' Roses. He seems to have been slowly regaining his stage presence. Kid Rock joined him on stage for a few songs, and even former G n' R rhythm guitarist Izzy Stradlin (who also plays occasionally with Hookers and Blow) came out for a song. Axel might be making strides in his status as a musician, but his status as a bad ass is in serious jeopardy. During that time in New York, Axel and Tommy Hilfiger both attended a party for Rosario Dawson, where they got into a scuffle. Details as to what caused the scuffle are sketchy; however, it has been confirmed that Hilfiger "smacked" Axel several times and cursed at him. Axel's reaction: NOTHING. What the fuck happened to the Axel we all use to know and love, who would have beaten the crap out of Tommy in the drop of a hat? I am extremely disappointed. Axel's badass factor was one of the main things that made G n' R awesome in the 80's, and it was one of the few things that I thought may still remain intact with the new line-up. What is left of G n' R now? A pussy frontman with some nobodies behind him? Axel you lost some major street cred over here in Awesometown, and that is never good.

Alcoholic? Try some office crack!

"Th[is] data supports the hypothesis that there is an ingredient in coffee that protects against cirrhosis, especially alcoholic cirrhosis," concluded the report published in the Archives of Internal Medicine.

You get a 22% less chance of liver damage with every daily cup you drink? See, I knew sleeping 2 hours a night would come in handy at some point.


What is "Cig" in Spanish?

I understand if Mexico's futbol/soccer head coach Ricardo Lavolpe wants to burn cigs in his spare time, but the fact that he blazed 3 during his teams World Cup game against Iran is simply remarkable!

New Borat Movie: Fall 2006

Trailer: link

Title: Borat

Storyline: Borat Sagdiyev is sent from his village in Kazakhstan to make a documentary about America. He leaves his mother, wife, cousin Vilo and the village rapist to travel to America with his producer.

Late night on cable TV whilst in an American hotel room he discovers Baywatch and in particular the character CJ played by Pamela Anderson.
Borat falls in love and then travels across America from Washington DC, through the south and then finally to California where he hopes to meet her.


Poor JJ

J.J. Redick, was arrested last night for DWI after he made a u-turn right before a late night road block. Everyine knows you can't do that. They only pull the people that turn around.

Maybe he just turning around because he forgot his pride in Cameron Indoor on earlier in May.



Big Ben is Lucky

Here is a picture of the bike that Big Ben was cruising around on SANS HELMET. That fucking bike could orbit the earth if you wanted it to. He is lucky that he came out of this with ONLY a 9 inch cut on the back of his head, multiple bones broken in his face, and only half his teeth missing. I wish him a speedy recovery, but what a stupid fuck. I wish I could see the scowl on Bill Cowher's face right now.


Kevin Feederline wants to do what???

Kevin Federline is reportedly looking to do a movie like Eminem’s "8 Mile."

"Britney has heard that Federline is working on a script and trying to get funding for the film"

"She is really upset. Britney fears Kevin just wants to promote himself at her expense to further his career."


Forget how to get here? Well, now you can always go to and you will be redirected to this site.

BOOKMARK the site now!

Get High, Noodle Online

This years Bonnaroo Music Festival will be streamed live over the internet for free.

If you are like me and hate bands like Phish and Widespread because all their fans are smelly, poor hippies, you can still check out great bands like Radiohead, Bright Eyes, and Ben Folds, etc.

Watch the Webcast

New Porn Director Looking For Asian John Holmes

Anyone interested? I would do it but I am involed in way too many films in the Orient. (just one of the reasons why I am so awesome)

See link...

Monday, June 12, 2006

Leprechaun in Tree in Alabama

Just in case you missed it, some Mobile, Alabama residents recently noticed a leprechaun in the tree outside their house and alerted the local TV station.

Here is the video, the rap remix, the slow dirty remix.

I almost bought that "magical leprechaun flute" on eBay, but someone outbid me.

Here is a "amateur sketch" of the leprechaun...

USA : Soccer as Andy Dick : Hollywood

How does USA soccer continue to be so terrible? Every kid in the whole country plays soccer from ages 5-10, yet we always seem to lose to teams that use duck tape for shoes and balls made out of sticks and rubber bands?

We need to steal some players from the "good soccer countries" down south. I propose we plant a bunch of "illegal items" on Columbia and Brazil's team, extradite them into the US and tell them that they can spend 10 years in Alcrataz or become US citizens. Then we'll see who wins the World Cup in 2010...

Road to Omaha = BASEketball Playoffs

So I was watching my UNC tarheels this weekend and am real pumped up about our run through the Regionals and Super Regionals on our way to the College World Series for the first time since 1989. But, can someone please explain to me how the fuck the format of this whole thing works? It is about as confusing as the BASEketball playoffs however not as confusing as the BASEketball field. Awww screw it, I don't care how the whole thing is set up, all I know is I'm hoppin' on this bandwagon like a muthfucka (see: hopping on Carolina Hurricanes Bandwagon)

Ma-Sheen is Back in Action!

Less than 2 weeks after being accused of watching child pornography, cheating, gambling, domestic violence, and being a complete and total crackhead, Sheen is back on the ladies scene and looking as creepy as ever.

In the mean time, he certainly got his timing right on launching a line of children's clothing...

Who wouldn't buy their 7 year old daughter a jean skirt made by a man that said, "I was never shut down by the drugs; that was my problem. Cocaine was an aphrodisiac."

Big Ben Breaks Nose and Jaw

Big Ben Roethelisberger, not our friend from college but the real Big Ben, is in the hospital right now because he got in a motorcycle accident. reports that he broke his jaw and his nose in the crash because he wasn't wearing a helmet. How many atheletes have to ruin their careers before these clowns stop riding bikes? J Williams, Kellen Winslow are just two off the top of my head in the last five years... and now the Super Bowl winning QB?????


Czech Mate

Czech's THUG United States 3-0

FYI, this picture of a dime from Sweden has nothing to do with today's game. Welcome to Awesometown fully endorses her tat, bottom right.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Vince Vaughn Wears Cool Hats

We don't really give a shit about whether Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston are dating. Rumors about celebrity relationships are not our specially, unless they are fucking ridiculous like this one.

However, I think Vince's outfit at the French Open deserves a mention here. Two buttons down on a white linen shirt with aviators and that money hat? Respect. Everyone seems to be wearing that hat for some reason. It must have been Awesome Hat Day at Roland Garros.

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