Saturday, June 10, 2006

Bad Tattoos: Angelina Jolie

What's more ridiculous than tattooing "Billy Bob Thorton" on your arm? Well, actually, we just found out. Angelina was recently spotted with the following tattoo:

N11º 33’ 0” E104º 51’ 00”
N09º 02’ 00” E038º 45’ 00”

Are you kidding me? The coordinates of where she found her kids? I'd rather have a tat of two telytubbies blowing each other on my neck.

Welcome To Awesometown only supports the following tats:

-names of band members that died of heroin

-pictures of yourself

-mike tyson's face tattoo

-anything that was inked after 4 am in Las Vegas or Fort Lauderdale

-anything that results from a lost bet involving "the ability to get ass"


Today's French Open Final should be a doozy, Nadal vs Federer. My money is on Nadal, dude, he took down the Nothing.

Ricky Williams Is Still High

In Ricky Williams first two outings with the world renowned "Argos" of the prestigous Canadian Football League he has amassed a total of 55 yards and a game losing fumble leading those at Awesometown to believe that he is still so smoked out that he can't even see. At least he looks good....

Vida Guerra in Playboy

Vida Guerra, formerly known simply as "the ass," has finally reached the culmination of her short lived popularity. After getting her start from an internet video of her dancing in her thong, this young starlet is now only moments away from getting a call to be in Big, Brown, Bomb Boo-Yow Booty, Brazilian Bitches 11.

However, the Playboy shoot is rumored to have been so awful that all of her pics had to be airbrushed. I know what some of you girls are thinking..."All Playboy pictures are airbrushed." Well, we here at Welcome to Awesometown don't care! We say bring it on airbrush guy. While I'm at it, we also support: ninjas, topless carwashes, stealth surveillance, pigtails, and clubbing seals.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Scarlett Johansson's Breasts

Just in case you needed some magazine to reaffirm what you already know, In Touch magazine has declared that Scarlett Johansson has the best breasts in Hollywood. Well, it was a reader poll, so I guess that makes it more democratic. At any rate, I'm not going to complain about this one, because I actually agree. Who wouldn't really? Of course, this post is just an excuse to put up some pictures of Scarlett Johansson's cleavage, so here are those classic pictures of Scarlett Johansson and her amazing boob-enhancing red dress from the Golden Globes.

Many, many more Scarlett Johansson pictures after the jump. Enjoy.


Charlie Sheen is the Major Of Awesometown

Charlie "Ma-Sheen" is probably the sweetest person in all of Hollywood. In his divorce proceeding against soon to be ex-wife Denise Richards, she accuses him of excessive drinking, gambling, cheating....oh and being a member of a website "which promoted very young girls, who looked underage to me with pigtails, braces, and no pubic hair performing oral sex with each other." Yikes....

Oh, and then the real bad news comes out. When his wife asked him if he had anything to do with the apparent suicide of porn star Chloe Jones (who Sheen reportedly often paid for sex), Sheen's denial seemed anything but sincere....Richard's police report stated, "I saw on the news that she had died from undetermined causes. When I asked him if he had anything to do with her death, he said he had 'no comment'... This scared me."


Ashlee Simpson Gets Nose Job

So, it looks like the Ashlee Simpson nose job rumors are true. But who can blame her? Welcome to Awesometown always has and always will clearly support plastic surgery. We don't care whether your nose job is for vanity or for medical purposes (like the lining of your nose is wearing thin).

She's looking more and more like her sister every day, which is really starting to bother me. There cant be two #1 girls I want to sleep with! Can there?

World Cup Coverage

For those who crush the internet at work all day, the World Cup will be on fiyah for the next month. I recommend an extended lunch/dr. appointment and a few fun grenades at your local tavern for Monday's game against the Czech's.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Join the One Campaign

I know, we all fucking hate Bono, but who doesnt like the ONE Campaign...

ONE is a new effort by Americans to rally Americans – ONE by ONE – to fight the emergency of global AIDS and extreme poverty. ONE is students and ministers, punk rockers and NASCAR moms, Americans of all beliefs and every walk of life, united as ONE to help make poverty history. ONE believes that allocating an additional ONE percent of the U.S. budget toward providing basic needs like health, education, clean water and food would transform the futures and hopes of an entire generation in the world's poorest countries. ONE also calls for debt cancellation, trade reform and anti–corruption measures in a comprehensive package to help Africa and the poorest nations beat AIDS and extreme poverty.

A few things I've learned. Volume 1. by Kong

Growing up on the mean streets of my posh New York suburb I managed to learn a few things.

  • Never trust a girl when she says she's 18, ALWAYS check ID
  • Kids that went to Deerfield are full of shit, do not trust them or their stories
    • One Deerfield kid once told me that he lights his hair on fire at the bar all the time, I mean why not just tell people that you beat up atleast 10 guys everytime you go out, that might be believable!
    • I knew another one that claims he use to hook up with Nicki Hilton.
    • And one even claims to be dating Hadley Smith, as if!
  • Sailing a yacht is soooo much cooler than driving a cigarette boat.
  • Joining Country Clubs is way cooler than joining gyms. (i.e. Southsides at sunset)
  • 5 acres is the minimum amount of land that one can own.
  • Drinking is awesome.
    • Drinking topshelf liquor when you are 14 is a must
    • It's a great way to hook-up.
  • It's not just ok to lie to your parents on a regular basis, it's a necessity.
  • If your not from Palm Beach, the North Shore of Long Island, Greenwich, or the Upper East Side then you probably aren't worth my time.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

The Tale of the Frog and the Fogger

I like this picture a lot. It reminds me of the time I drank the liquid that you use to refill a DJ's smoke machine because I thought it was some donkey. Sometimes in the relentless pursuit of buzz, you just have to take a step back and say to yourself, "Welcome to fucking Awesomeotwn, dude." Good times.

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